My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
