I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
