My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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