Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
