Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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