mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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