I wish you could order shots online.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
