Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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