Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
