I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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