His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
