drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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