Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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