i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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