You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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