He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
