So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
