dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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