i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
