Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
