two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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