Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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