I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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