i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
