so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
