take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize