i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
