After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
