the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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