Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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