I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
