Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
high people should be assigned attendants
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
