I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize