she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
