Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
