Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
