Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
