You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
