you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
