you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize