your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
