Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
