I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
