New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
