Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
