dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
