I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
