no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
