hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
