I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize