I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
