On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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