How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
