Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
