he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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