So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
