So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize