mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
