your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
