Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Are we still banned from the library?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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