dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
