Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
