The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
