you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
