you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
