found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
