hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize