he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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