Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
