i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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