I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I intend to get homeless drunk
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize