Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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