He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
