He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Drunk is not a location!
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