I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
