The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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