Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
