I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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